established 10 august 2009

Monday, November 10, 2014

No Regrets

As I sit here rocking Corbin, watching his eyes become heavy as he drifts off to sleep, I ponder to myself. Corbin is now ten months old. I still have to rock him to sleep. And while I am exhausted and sick at the moment, and can not help but think that I will never regret rocking my children. Yes, Corbin does not sleep well so I am going to start sleep training very soon, or we will all loose our minds. But still, I don't regret a single day or night of rocking Corbin. The same goes for Alister. 

Alister didn't start sleeping through the night until 14 months I believe. And I rocked him to sleep. The reason I stopped was because I was pregnant with Corbin and I was getting to big to comfortably rock Alister. Plus, I knew things had to change before the new baby. No matter how much I knew that at times, I would look back on the days when I could rock Alister and miss it. He was our first baby boy. I will always look back in fondness. I remember my first birthday after Alister was born. I got up in the middle of the night to feed Alister. When I sat in my rocker I looked over to see a wrapped gift and card. Something "from" Alister. I the card, Adam wrote as if it were Alisters words. In it read, "this is our special time". I read that and knew it to be true. Even though I was tired and worn out, it was a special time with my son. As Alister laid there in my arms, I gazed upon him telling him that it was a very special time. That I love him so much, kissing his face as he sleep. 

While it is easier to sleep train babies at a younger age, I do not regret my choices. While I rocked I got to look upon those precious faces. I could feel them breath and watch them dream. I've known people who don't ever rock their children to sleep because they don't want to encourage that habit. While logically I can agree that, that is very smart, emotionally I feel sad for them. Rocking my boys has grown to be one of my favorite things. And now, I will be sleep training Corbin soon. I will have to give up rocking him to sleep. Quite honestly, it makes me very sad. My baby is growing up. I think it makes me even more sad then when I stopped rocking Alister because we are not planning to have any more children. A decision I do not regret but I will miss rocking our babies. They are only tiny for a short time. The window to enjoy such pleasures is very small. One that I know I have enjoyed fully. 

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