Monday, June 18, 2018

Motherhood

Motherhood. The best job of all. Why? Because its a divine role. One that I cherish and love and feel blessed to have. Now, I have to confess something though. I didn't always think this way. Growing up, being a mom was not at the top of my priority list. So, let's go back in history a but.

As a child, I didn't really dream of having babies of my own. I didn't grown up thinking of having my own family. I never pretended to be getting married. I didn't dream of my wedding. Quite the opposite, really.

I dreamed of going to college and becoming a professional and the best in whatever field I chose. Astronaut. Paleontologist. Veterinarian. Then as I got into high school, dancing took over my life. I lived and breathed dancing. It was my favorite thing to do and I wanted to prove that I could be one of the best at my school. Even though I did not grow up dancing. And children? Well, the thought got farther and farther from my mind.

I didn't grow up babysitting, I didn't have little siblings. I didn't like kids. Heck, I didn't understand kids my own age. As a teen, I thought most teens my age were immature. Then, I graduated high school.

My senior year in high school, I suffered from severe depression and anxiety. (You can read more about that in my, Let's Talk: Mental & Emotional Abuse). So, by the time I graduated, I was lost and had no clue what I wanted to do with my life. I didn't really want to go to college yet, but felt like I had to because that was the next natural step... right? Well, shortly before college started, on August 10th, 2008 - I met Adam. In that moment, my life changed for the better. Little did I know that I would marry Adam only a year later, August 10th, 2009. I was 19 years old and still unsure of children. Thankfully, Adam wasn't ready to have kids right away either. But, over time, God worked on me, to prepare me for the desire to want children.

This shift came gradually so that when we decided to try and have children, it wasn't completely terrifying. In fact, it was exciting. Well, God blessed us with Alister right away. As my due date got closer, I because terrified. Petrified, really. I wasn't sure I would be good at being a mom. Why? Because I didn't know a thing about children. I had never held a newborn before. I was terrified that I wouldn't have maternal instincts. What if I was a terrible mother? What if I hated my baby? Resented it for changing my life? What if (anxiety) ruled over me for a time. But, then, I held my baby Alister for the first time. For a moment all that fear melted away and peace and love filled my heart and soul. Here he finally was, in my arms. All the pain and struggles I endured during pregnancy - it was worth it. He was worth it. And I would do it all over again for my babies. Because in that moment, a shift happened inside of me. Inside my soul. I became a mother.



Now, I know that there has been and still is a learning curve for me. But, to my surprise, motherhood and maternal instincts came a lot more naturally to me then I could have ever imagined. And I know why. It's my divine role, given to me by Heavenly Father. He needed me to be a mother to these two precious boys. Me. Scared little me. He knew that if I came to him and put my faith into him, that I could be a strong, loving mother. I am so grateful for his trust in me. I could not imagine my life being a different way. I love motherhood. I love being a mom. 

“The work of a mother is hard, too often unheralded work. Please know that it is worth it then, now, and forever.” —Jeffrey R. Holland“



I am so blessed to able to be a stay-at-home-mom. It's the best job there is for me. It's not always easy. In fact, it's quite hard. But, that's ok. They still love me. Even on hard days. I love it. Let's list things I love about it.

- Random "I love you" through out the day.
- Listening to them sing songs in their room.
- Their want and willingness to help around the house.
- Their laughter.
- Hugs.
- Kisses.
- Going to the church parking lot to ride bikes.
- Seeing different creations with blocks and Legos.
- Hearing them pray.
- Hearing questions about the scriptures while were reading.
- Restaurants are called "Dinner Stores".
- Doing school work on the living room floor.
- Their unconditional love.

Really the list is endless. I love my boys. I love being their mom. I love my Father in Heaven for believing in me to help these precious boys grow into wonderful men. The men that they are meant to be someday. I love everyday. Even the hard ones are worth loving.

“No society will long survive without mothers who care for their young and provide that nurturing care so essential for their normal development.” —Ezra Taft Benson



To mothers everywhere ~

Chin up, buttercup. You're doing great. Keep your faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Pray often. Keep loving yourself. You got this. You have the most wonderful and important job there is in this world. God is on your side. God loves you and wants you to succeed. So keep the faith. Stand tall but don't forget to go to your knees in humble prayer. Remember to love your motherhood.

“There is no role in life more essential and more eternal than that of motherhood.” —M. Russell Ballard

Sunday, June 17, 2018

100

This is blog number 100!

Wow, kind of hard to believe that I've written that many and you haven't gotten sick of me yet.

So, as I sit here, contemplating on what to write number 100 on, I can't help but think, why. Why do I continue to write? Is it really helpful to anyone? Or, is it only therapeutic for me? Is it worth continuing?

Well, let me answer those questions.

I continue to write because I love it. Especially because when I write, I almost feel some kind of inspiration and words just flow out onto the keyboard. I'm not much of creative writer, except poetry which I haven't done in years. But, writing about my life, writing about my family and writing about my opinions and my faith in Jesus Christ. There is still a sense of freedom to be me through written words.

I believe it's helpful for others because they have told me so. I have received personal messages before for thanks on specific posts. I'm not bragging, but it certainly is a motivator to keep going.

It is definitely therapeutic for me. It is calming and freeing to write what is on my mind. I learn about myself when I write. So, really, I should do it more often.

Worth continuing? Absolutely. I not only write for me, but for others. Like I mentioned, when I write I feel inspiration. What I mean by that, is I feel lead by the Lord. I am certain that there are certain blogs I've written, mostly my ones on mental health, that He lead me to write. Because I didn't want to at first. But I kept feeling this push in my soul to write them. And people responded well to those. I believe my Savior loves it when I share my testimony through my blogs. I always feel peace when I do it. In fact, I think I'll do that now.

To my audience, I want to share with you my testimony of a loving Heavenly Father. I am confident in my heart, mind and soul that He is real. He is watching over us. He loves each and everyone of us.  I witness that Jesus Christ is our Savior. He did die for us upon a cross that we might be able to live with him again. He longs for us to come Home. I believe that the Holy Ghost, if we invite him, will be our constant companion. Those little quiet thoughts you have to say or do something kind for someone else, that is the Holy Ghost. Listen to him. Because you never know what kind of influence you have on their life. I believe in the power of prayer. That even when we can't feel God's spirit, He is listening. When we pray in faith, powerful experiences can happen. Miracles. I believe in The Book of Mormon. That it's words are true and that Joseph Smith translated them for us to use today. I believe Joseph Smith saw God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ in a grove. I believe that I am a daughter of God. That He loves me and that He loves you. I say these things, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

~

I believe that we all have a purpose in this life. Many really. And I believe one of mine is to reach people through my thoughts and words. Which is why I continue to write. And I will continue until I feel it's no longer necessary.

God Bless.

Friday, June 15, 2018

Let Boys Be Boys


Lately, with all the changes with the Boy Scouts and some pod casts Adam and I have listened to by Matt Walsh, I can't help but think about my own boys and the ever increasingly backwards world they are growing up in.

Years ago it was normal, natural and expected for men to be men and women to be women. Boys to be boys and girls to be girls. Each gender (because yes, there are only two genders), had their roles and it was perfectly harmonious.

Now, some of you may be thinking I'm old-fashioned. That I need to move on with the times and be enlightened. That's fine, you have that right. Just like I have the right to say, no way. I have strong beliefs and I know I'm "old-fashioned". I am perfectly accepting of this fact.

So, I don't get it. Why do the girls get to have Girl Scouts completely to them selves, but boys no longer get Boy Scouts to them selves? It think its wrong and unacceptable that we have taught girls to feel like if they aren't included in everything that the boys are doing, then they are being oppressed. I'm sorry, but that is completely selfish. Why as women, do you feel like you have and need the right to take away mens rights? Both genders need a place where they can spend time with just the same gender, allowing them to be completely themselves.

As a mother of two boys, you better believe this is upsetting to me. My boys have to grow up in a world where women will disrespect them just for being a man. They are growing up in a world where the media makes men seem dimwitted, lazy, incompetent, stupid and quiet frankly, useless. It's ludicrous really. For centuries, men have been the protectors and providers. What is so wrong with that now? I just don't get it. I, personally, am completely accepting of this role. I love that my husband does all he can to provide for my family and thinks of ways to help protect us if and when needed. I love my own role and feel very blessed that I get to be a stay at home mom. That I get to nurture, teach, play and love my boys all day. (I'll probably write a separate post about that soon).

Now that The Boys Scouts of America are dropping the "Boy" in their name and accept girls, we are not putting our boys into the scouting program. Call sexist or whatever other nasty name you choose, but I'm serious. My husband can teach them the necessary skills they would have learned in scouts. I will just have to find other ways to help my boys have boy time as they grow up. And I mean, boy time. Even with out me around, because I truly do think that it is important for them.

There is probably a lot more I could say, but I don't want this to get heated, so I will say one more thing.

I believe in a Heavenly Father. I believe he made man and woman to be companions. To help each other. To raise each other up, instead of tearing each other down. Let us love each for WHO we are instead of loathing each other for WHAT we are. Let boys be boys. Let girls be girls. Be proud of who you were born to be. You are a child of God. I am a child of God. My boys and my husbands or sons of God. And I love them for it.