Motherhood

Motherhood. The best job of all. Why? Because its a divine role. One that I cherish and love and feel blessed to have. Now, I have to confess something though. I didn't always think this way. Growing up, being a mom was not at the top of my priority list. So, let's go back in history a but.

As a child, I didn't really dream of having babies of my own. I didn't grown up thinking of having my own family. I never pretended to be getting married. I didn't dream of my wedding. Quite the opposite, really.

I dreamed of going to college and becoming a professional and the best in whatever field I chose. Astronaut. Paleontologist. Veterinarian. Then as I got into high school, dancing took over my life. I lived and breathed dancing. It was my favorite thing to do and I wanted to prove that I could be one of the best at my school. Even though I did not grow up dancing. And children? Well, the thought got farther and farther from my mind.

I didn't grow up babysitting, I didn't have little siblings. I didn't like kids. Heck, I didn't understand kids my own age. As a teen, I thought most teens my age were immature. Then, I graduated high school.

My senior year in high school, I suffered from severe depression and anxiety. (You can read more about that in my, Let's Talk: Mental & Emotional Abuse). So, by the time I graduated, I was lost and had no clue what I wanted to do with my life. I didn't really want to go to college yet, but felt like I had to because that was the next natural step... right? Well, shortly before college started, on August 10th, 2008 - I met Adam. In that moment, my life changed for the better. Little did I know that I would marry Adam only a year later, August 10th, 2009. I was 19 years old and still unsure of children. Thankfully, Adam wasn't ready to have kids right away either. But, over time, God worked on me, to prepare me for the desire to want children.

This shift came gradually so that when we decided to try and have children, it wasn't completely terrifying. In fact, it was exciting. Well, God blessed us with Alister right away. As my due date got closer, I because terrified. Petrified, really. I wasn't sure I would be good at being a mom. Why? Because I didn't know a thing about children. I had never held a newborn before. I was terrified that I wouldn't have maternal instincts. What if I was a terrible mother? What if I hated my baby? Resented it for changing my life? What if (anxiety) ruled over me for a time. But, then, I held my baby Alister for the first time. For a moment all that fear melted away and peace and love filled my heart and soul. Here he finally was, in my arms. All the pain and struggles I endured during pregnancy - it was worth it. He was worth it. And I would do it all over again for my babies. Because in that moment, a shift happened inside of me. Inside my soul. I became a mother.

Now, I know that there has been and still is a learning curve for me. But, to my surprise, motherhood and maternal instincts came a lot more naturally to me then I could have ever imagined. And I know why. It's my divine role, given to me by Heavenly Father. He needed me to be a mother to these two precious boys. Me. Scared little me. He knew that if I came to him and put my faith into him, that I could be a strong, loving mother. I am so grateful for his trust in me. I could not imagine my life being a different way. I love motherhood. I love being a mom. 

“The work of a mother is hard, too often unheralded work. Please know that it is worth it then, now, and forever.” —Jeffrey R. Holland“

I am so blessed to able to be a stay-at-home-mom. It's the best job there is for me. It's not always easy. In fact, it's quite hard. But, that's ok. They still love me. Even on hard days. I love it. Let's list things I love about it.

- Random "I love you" through out the day.
- Listening to them sing songs in their room.
- Their want and willingness to help around the house.
- Their laughter.
- Hugs.
- Kisses.
- Going to the church parking lot to ride bikes.
- Seeing different creations with blocks and Legos.
- Hearing them pray.
- Hearing questions about the scriptures while were reading.
- Restaurants are called "Dinner Stores".
- Doing school work on the living room floor.
- Their unconditional love.

Really the list is endless. I love my boys. I love being their mom. I love my Father in Heaven for believing in me to help these precious boys grow into wonderful men. The men that they are meant to be someday. I love everyday. Even the hard ones are worth loving.

“No society will long survive without mothers who care for their young and provide that nurturing care so essential for their normal development.” —Ezra Taft Benson

To mothers everywhere ~

Chin up, buttercup. You're doing great. Keep your faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Pray often. Keep loving yourself. You got this. You have the most wonderful and important job there is in this world. God is on your side. God loves you and wants you to succeed. So keep the faith. Stand tall but don't forget to go to your knees in humble prayer. Remember to love your motherhood.

“There is no role in life more essential and more eternal than that of motherhood.” —M. Russell Ballard