Recently, I was called a quitter... Wow. That just blew me away. I had never been called a quitter before. It sounds so negative coming out of someone else's mouth and flies through your ears and enters your brain, raining down on you with judgement. Now, you're probably wondering, Why? Why were you accused of such a selfish action.
This last Sunday, I decided that I am no longer going to be a Mary Kay Independent Beauty Consultant. Some of you may be surprised by this decision. In shock and awe. Well, it's not like this decision happened over night. For, at least, the last few weeks, I've had this thought quietly sitting in the back of my mind. I chose to ignore because I was focused on big goals. Directorship, free car and building a team to help others find confidence and success. Well, overtime this thought got louder and louder. So loud that there was no possible way to ignore it any longer. I began to realize that my attitude and emotions were changing. I no longer left appointments or meetings feeling encouraged, vitalized and pumped to take on the world. No. I was beginning to feel empty, numb, worrisome, alone, burdened and saddened. I found this to be confusing. These emotions came more frequently and stayed with me longer and longer.
Last Saturday, so a week ago, somethings about Mary Kay came up between Adam and I after putting the boys to bed. I knew that it was time to tell Adam what I had been thinking about and how I felt. We discussed it and he, as always, was very supportive. He assured me that he knew I would do what was right and would support me in my final decision. This was encouraging. That night, before bed, I prayed. I wanted so badly to make the right decision and I sincerely pleaded with my Lord to help guide me in making the right decision not only for myself, but for my family as well.
The next day at church, I received my answer. Our relief society lesson was on pride. What a hard lesson. One that I, surprisingly, was very willing to hear. We discussed prides different forms. Envy and coveting were a couple of the forms that stood out to me most during the lesson. After hearing those words, I came to shocking realization that I was partaking in these forms of pride. Those big goals I had? Many were just materialistic. I knew things needed to change. I needed to change. And, surprisingly, I was willing to admit that I had been prideful. I did not take joy in it. But, I was willing, therefore, I had a very humbling experience. That in its self was freeing.
That night, after putting the boys to bed, I discussed the lessons I had learned with Adam. And then, with out much thought, I said "I no longer want to be a consultant." When I spoke those words out loud, I knew them to be true. It was confirmed. And the more I said it the more relief I felt. The more joy filled my soul. A weight had been lifted. I couldn't go to sleep, I was so happy! At 10:30pm, I called up my parents to tell them the news. They were understanding, supportive and proud of my decision. The support of my family and of Adam is so reassuring. And I am so grateful to them for it.
So, skipping a few days, I then had to tell someone who was apart of Mary Kay. I wasn't the easiest thing to do, but it needed to be done. The reason it wasn't easy was because this person truly believed in me and my goals. They believed I could do anything I set my mind to and then some. But, their response was hurtful and infuriating. I didn't know what to say. After steaming over it for a few days and attending the General Women's Conference Broadcast this evening, I've come to a sense of peace. Having this person call me a quitter was (key word, "was") unsettling. However, I've been reminded that with the Lords help I can do anything and that His opinion is really the only one that matters. And I know, with out a doubt, that He does Not think of me as a quitter. As a daughter of my Heavenly Father, I strive to be like my Savior. I may stumble and fall, but I do not Quit. I, sometimes, have a good cry, look up, take my Saviors hand, Stand up and dust off my pants. I do not quit. People will come in and out of your life. Adventures and journeys will begin and come to an end. My journey with Mary Kay has come to that end. I learned what I needed to learn. I grew in ways I needed to grow. I gain, at least a little, more confidence. And I learned the most important lesson in this journey. Relying on the Lord and listening to his promptings and answers to my prayers.
As I was driving home from the broadcast tonight, I realized that I would much rather accept the harsh realization that I was holding onto pride tightly, then I would ever want to learn that something so fleeting took a higher and stronger priority over my family. My husband and our boys. They, they are my righteous reason for being a "quitter". And I am so grateful to my Lord for my family. Because the are my eternal blessing. The ones worth fighting for and worth humbling myself over. They are my eternity.